Sunday, April 26, 2015

Dear Mr. Web

“Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?“, I will never forget sitting at the bar on a Friday night hearing the guy next to me ask me this.
And this is just one example for many bad, bad pick up lines I have heard.
You really wonder if that has ever worked out. It´s like “Yes dude, it might cost you your balls if you don´t get a move on fast“.

What in the world happened to those men that actually put some effort into it?
The other day I had lunch at Panera Bread (so yummy) and I was sitting there with my aunt and her two daughters, when this guy walks up to the table, looks at me and says “I just have to tell you, that I think you are very beautiful“. Aww, now that took some balls, to stand in front of four women in the middle of a restaurant and say that. Ok, I´ll admit this time all he got out of it was a “That is sweet, thank you so much“, but I am sure that could work out for him in the future.

Meeting people has changed over the years. Just like everything else, we do it online. Awesome isn´t it? You can meet your future husband while you are sitting on your couch. You don´t even have to leave the house anymore and you can still meet 10, 20, 30 guys a week.
But is it really that great?

There is a dating website for every taste, age, preference out there.  First you got to give them details about yourself. How old, race, gender, relationship status (hello, I hope you are single), where do you live, interests, kids, no kids, how do you look, are you educated, do you smoke (oh, oh I´m out) and the list goes on and on. Then after you talked about yourself it is all about what you are you looking for. Same shit different gender.
Then you get a list of people that would just be a perfect match for you. Yay, Brad, 36, works in marketing, makes 120 k a year, likes dogs and the outdoors, no kids, never married and luckily a variety of about 6 pictures to look at.
Really, is that really how I want to fall in love?

Let´s just say you go to dinner with Brad, because he is just such a good match. WTF are we going to talk about? I don´t need to ask any questions, because your internet dating profile already tells me everything I need to know and the online program that matched us said we are going to have a great, happy life together so let´s get on it.
I don´t want to date a male version of myself, I want somebody who can show me a new world, a different way of living, I want somebody I can have some real arguments with, because we are not always of the same opinion. Everything else is just a little too boring and predictable for my taste.

But even if you decide not to do the online dating thing, then there is still a bunch of other social media like Facebook for instance.
So there you are with your average 500 something friends and not the slightest intention to meet anybody new here. But when you check your inbox, there they are, complete strangers saying “Hello“, “Hey“, “Hi“, followed by “Hi beautiful“, “Hello pretty lady“. Maybe it´s me, but why would you do that? If you are going to send a complete stranger a message on Facebook, could you at least come up with more than two words. What do you think women are going to write back? “Hi handsome, so happy somebody finally found me“?

But I gotta give it to you guys, there are men that come up with more than two words. Like “Hi, I looked at your profile and you are very beautiful“. Oh, this is exciting you actually have a whole line to read. Still the same meaning as “Hi beautiful“ but at least this guy took the time to build a sentence. That is why these guys are also known as the “copy/paste men“. Coming up with these words took a good amount of work so you can´t really expect them to come up with something new for every girl.

And last but not least my favorite , the “pokers“ (no, this is not really a word). These guys don´t have anything to say at all, but that is ok because they will just “poke“ you.
Are you shitting me? If you would see me walking down the street or dancing in a club, would you just come over and poke me to get my attention? I don´t think so. Truth is 99% of the men that contact you on the internet would not have the balls to actually initiate any kind of contact if they would see you in real life.

Don´t get me wrong, sure there are some nice guys out there, that you can go have dinner with, or date, or spend the rest of your life with even though you met them online, but most of the time it is not very sexy.
Are you really that lonely, that you have to go looking for somebody? I mean why not enjoy being single till you just happen to meet somebody. Those poor souls on the internet that are desperately trying to find somebody are almost as sad to watch as the guys that run back to one of their long time exes, just because they need somebody around, and theses women welcome them back with open arms after years of being separated because they are just as desperate.

Come to think about it, maybe that guy in the bar wasn´t so bad after all...

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