The art of letting go

When you meet somebody and fall in love, it feels like the world is standing still. A person that you didn´t even know existed walks into your life and after a while of being together, you don´t even remember what life was like without him. It is like you found something that you didn´t even know was missing. This is probably one of the most beautiful feeling in the world and at the same time it is so damn scary.

Letting somebody into your life means making yourself vulnerable. It means giving your all and just trusting that you will not get hurt. Trusting that this man you are madly in love with for everything he is, will never change. That he will always love you the same no matter what and that you can give all that back. You hope that this special “us against the world“ thing will last.

But what if it doesn´t?  What if we change? What if everything changes?

If it is not passionate, inconvenient, consuming, can´t live without the other person kind of love, then isn´t it a waste of time?

Every couple goes through rough times. Life is always going to come up with some new idea of making shit complicated. But if you are still the same people you were when you fell in love, then that is not going to make you fall apart, or it will make you fall apart only to realize how much you need to fall back together. If two people really want to be togehter, then they will always find a way.

But when you look at somebody and he is not the same person you fell in love with anymore, then it is hard to hold on.

If you truly loved this person, breaking up is not going to be pretty, even if you are the one leaving.

It means that “us against the world“ is now “you against the world“. It means being prepared for all these questions that friends and family are going to ask. It means saying goodbye to the person that you thought you were always going to be with.

This shit hurts. You are stuck with all these great memories of who you used to be. Out of nowhere you will remember all these beautiful moments you had.. The way you used to watch movies all night and fall asleep on the couch together. The way you used to try to stay awake and wait for him to come home from work just to end your day with him. They crazy shit you laughed about. How happy it made you to see him smile. The way he said “I love you“ and all the times you just looked at him and had to smile because you just felt like the luckiest person in the world. 

You miss the way it felt laying your head on his chest and feeling like you are home.

I gotta be honest, it is pretty sad and pretty pathetic and luckily at some point anger takes over and damn that part of the break up is intense. There you go remembering all the shit that went wrong. All the nasty things that were said, all the fights. You think “Did I really come this far, just to find out that this is not it“?  No more crying, no more hoping, no more missing. You are just way to busy being angry.

But all that passes. There comes this perfect moment were you can finally see the big picture. Were you stop with all the woulda, coulda, shouda.

At some point all the good memories you have no longer make you sad and all the bad memories no longer make you angry. Once in a while you will hear a song that reminds you of him, or you will watch a movie that you watched together or you find something that he gave to you and you will remember him for who he was when you were head over heels in love.

That is the point where you don´t feel like you are being punched in the stomach every time somebody says “Oh, but you were such a great couple“.  Now you can smile and say “That´s right, we were one hell of a couple“.

Every break up changes you a little bit. It sets the standards a little higher for the next guy and it makes you realize that you are never going to settle for anything less than what you want.

Somebody once told me, that I am a dreamer, that I am crazy for wanting to be with somebody who would do anything for love because that is just not rational.

Maybe that is true, but maybe love is not meant to be rational. Love is a mess, it turns your life upside down, its unpredictable. That is the beauty of it and that is why I would always do it all over again...

5 reasons my ass...

I don´t know about you, but every time I log onto Facebook I see at least one of my friends sharing the “5 reasons marriage just doesn´t work out anymore” story, written by a divorced man that had been married for three years.  And all the separated and divorced people out there are reading it like “Yea totally, that is so what happened, it is not my fault my marriage went to shit, there are all these modern circumstances that led to this divorce and well, I really had no control over it”. While the married people are reading it going “ Oh, oh the 21th century way of life is sneaking up on our marriage, I hope we won´t be one of the 1.2 million people getting a divorce this year”.

These are the reasons he gives us:

1.    Sex becomes almost nonexistent.

2.    Finances cripple us.

3.    We are too connected to social media.

4.    Our desire for attention outweighs our desire to be loved.

5.    Social media just invited a few thousand people into bed with you. 

Seriously?

Those are supposed to be the reasons why Grandma and Grandpa were married 50 years and we can´t make it past 5?

So sex becomes almost nonexistent. Well, this is written by a man saying that all these images of uber sexy people out there give us these unrealistic expectations of our partner and knowing that there are these extremely hot people kinda makes us not want to have sex with the same average looking person more than once a week. Dude, if the women you are dating is not hot, then don´t ask her to marry you. Do men think they are going to marry a woman that looks like shit and then one day wake up to her looking like a Victoria´s Secret model?

It doesn´t matter whether you are a man or a woman, if you are in love and passionate about each other you will want to have sex more than once a week. Even though I hate to think that this was Grandma and Grandpa´s secret to a happy marriage.

Finances cripple us. What, we have to pay for our life? Good for all these generationes before us, not a care in the world.

This is such bullshit!

Education, food, a house, clothes, cars, no shit life is expensive. Suck it up and get over it.

Oh, and by the way there is this one feeling in life that doen´t cost you a damn thing.  It´s called love.

We are too connected to social media. Now this is a good one.

So we make dinner reservations over an app and we talk to our spouses over text. That is the real problem here. Not the flirting and cheating. Not the secretly going behind our partners back. Nope, the real problems are our apps.

Where I come from there is nothing wrong with spending your alone time on your phone making dinner reservation, sending emails or texting your spouse. And hey, who doesn´t love getting a bunch of cute texts with emojis blowing kisses. If an app can make your life easier then that sounds like a plan to me. There is only one rule, once you are spending time with your spouse the phone is put aside. If your wife doesn´t understand that she is an ass. If you don´t, then you are an ass. Oh and Grandma and Grandpa didn´t have all this fancy shit to make their lives easier. They actually had to spend time writing letters and going to restaurants and still had enough time to love each other. Funny how that works.

Our desire for attention outweighs our desire to be loved. So what this is about is that we need other peoples attention on social media more than we need to be loved by the person in front of us. Love this one!

Well absolutely, if you are with a narcissistic person that has the mind of a 12 year old then yes. And sure there are people out there that feel like their 2000 Facebook friends should take great interest in the fact that they are having a headache today. But a grown ass person would be more thankful for their partner getting them an Asprin and cuddling up next to them on the couch, then having people comment on their status..

And last but not least. Social Media just invited a thousand people into bed with you. I see, so social media does that. That is not you posting your every move on Facebook and Twitter. Social media does that for you now. Must be one of them crazy updates I haven´t installed yet.

The truth, is the only thing people know about you and your relationship is what you want them to know. If every fight, every make up sex ( even though we just learned that married couples don´t have sex), is posted on your account, then yea sure you invite them all into your bed. But if you have a great marriage who cares.

Grandma and Grandpa didn´t stay together because life was easier back then. They stayed together because they chose to fall in love with each other over and over again.

So for Christ´s sake, get out there, fall in love, get married, make mistakes…and if it doesn´t last forever then take the blame and move on.