When you meet somebody and fall in love, it feels like the world is standing still. A person that you didn´t even know existed walks into your life and after a while of being together, you don´t even remember what life was like without him. It is like you found something that you didn´t even know was missing. This is probably one of the most beautiful feeling in the world and at the same time it is so damn scary.
Letting somebody into your life means making yourself vulnerable. It means giving your all and just trusting that you will not get hurt. Trusting that this man you are madly in love with for everything he is, will never change. That he will always love you the same no matter what and that you can give all that back. You hope that this special “us against the world“ thing will last.
But what if it doesn´t? What if we change? What if everything changes?
If it is not passionate, inconvenient, consuming, can´t live without the other person kind of love, then isn´t it a waste of time?
Every couple goes through rough times. Life is always going to come up with some new idea of making shit complicated. But if you are still the same people you were when you fell in love, then that is not going to make you fall apart, or it will make you fall apart only to realize how much you need to fall back together. If two people really want to be togehter, then they will always find a way.
But when you look at somebody and he is not the same person you fell in love with anymore, then it is hard to hold on.
If you truly loved this person, breaking up is not going to be pretty, even if you are the one leaving.
It means that “us against the world“ is now “you against the world“. It means being prepared for all these questions that friends and family are going to ask. It means saying goodbye to the person that you thought you were always going to be with.
This shit hurts. You are stuck with all these great memories of who you used to be. Out of nowhere you will remember all these beautiful moments you had.. The way you used to watch movies all night and fall asleep on the couch together. The way you used to try to stay awake and wait for him to come home from work just to end your day with him. They crazy shit you laughed about. How happy it made you to see him smile. The way he said “I love you“ and all the times you just looked at him and had to smile because you just felt like the luckiest person in the world.
You miss the way it felt laying your head on his chest and feeling like you are home.
I gotta be honest, it is pretty sad and pretty pathetic and luckily at some point anger takes over and damn that part of the break up is intense. There you go remembering all the shit that went wrong. All the nasty things that were said, all the fights. You think “Did I really come this far, just to find out that this is not it“? No more crying, no more hoping, no more missing. You are just way to busy being angry.
But all that passes. There comes this perfect moment were you can finally see the big picture. Were you stop with all the woulda, coulda, shouda.
At some point all the good memories you have no longer make you sad and all the bad memories no longer make you angry. Once in a while you will hear a song that reminds you of him, or you will watch a movie that you watched together or you find something that he gave to you and you will remember him for who he was when you were head over heels in love.
That is the point where you don´t feel like you are being punched in the stomach every time somebody says “Oh, but you were such a great couple“. Now you can smile and say “That´s right, we were one hell of a couple“.
Every break up changes you a little bit. It sets the standards a little higher for the next guy and it makes you realize that you are never going to settle for anything less than what you want.
Somebody once told me, that I am a dreamer, that I am crazy for wanting to be with somebody who would do anything for love because that is just not rational.
Maybe that is true, but maybe love is not meant to be rational. Love is a mess, it turns your life upside down, its unpredictable. That is the beauty of it and that is why I would always do it all over again...