Saturday, April 9, 2016

What if?

35,000! That is the number of decisions an average person makes a day. Some casual some crucial. 

But when it comes to decision making should we trust our head or our heart?

And I am not talking about standing in line at Starbucks and having to decide whether you want that skinny caramel macchiato grande or venti.
I am talking about decisions like walking away from a job, or a lover or your home. I am talking about decisions that might change your life forever.

The scary part about decisions is that every decision is a leap of faith. Even if you think you know where it will lead you, you usually end up realizing that life is not meant to be that predictable. 

There are many people that will tell you not to base your decision making on your emotions. That might be true for some aspects of life, but isn't an emotion the purest instinct we have?

Sure you shouldn't decide to tell your boss that he can kiss your ass just because you are having a bad day at work and it might not be a wise decision to buy those 900 dollar shoes, despite the fact that you are still recovering from that last pair. 

But there are so many decisions that should solely be based on your emotions. Over thinking every move you make might save you a lot of trouble and heartache, but it will also keep you from living. 

What will happen to the career you have worked so hard for, all the places in the world you wanted to see, the people you wanted to meet and the memories you wanted to make?

And what about all the things you decided not to say? Like telling him you love him?

You can never know if the decisions you make will lead you down the road you want them to and you will never know how it will affect the life of the people around you, but nothing is worse than wondering what would have happened if you would have had the guts to step outside your comfort zone. 

I guess in the end it is all about deciding how far you are willing to go for what you want, and maybe that is the hardest decision of all...

Sunday, May 24, 2015

Why he is really a 14 year old girl

So we have all heard it, men don´t grow up and well, it is really not their fault. That´s just how it is.

Usually when this is said it is in regards to playing video games and living in a nasty ass bachelor apartment, where even the old piece of pizza under the couch is thinking about moving out.

But that can all be fixed, the real problem with some men and growing up is, that they have a sensitive ego of a f***ing 14 year old girl!

Those are the kind of “men“ that need constant attention. They need attention from their friends, they need attention from people they work with and please at least give them one, two, ten girls to flirt with or else their ego starts to crumble.

And it doesn´t even matter if they get that attention from real friends, it could be anybody. Those ten girls they are flirting with on Facebook, Snapchat or wherever, they don´t even need to be hot. Damn for all they care it could be an ugly ass ex they broke up with five years ago, as long as there is a woman out there telling them how great they are (and yes those ladies are just as bad).

Those “men“ will cut their friends off in the middle of a great story, because they have a better story to share. Trying to make themselves look better than others is what they live for.

Those “men“ need to constantly point out all the great things they think they have done in their lives and make sure to post every move on Facebook so their 2000 Facebook friends (that´s right 2000, because they add everybody they have ever bumped into at the grocery store and call them friends) know where they are going to be hanging out July 13th 2015. Like they think all the groupies are going to hop on a bus to go see them.

Those “men“ whether they are attractive or not feel like they are hot shit because remember they have these ten average looking and obviously confused women complementing them all the time.

And once they do actually start dating a woman, the fun goes on. Don´t you think all of a sudden they no longer need their fan base.

If you wanna be with a “man“ like that your gonna have to be his biggest fan. You need to be the leader of the fan community. You need to be wearing a f***ing shirt with his name on it. You need to constantly tell him how great he is, how good he looks, how smart he is, how proud you are to be his girlfriend. Shit, you are gonna have to fake orgasms so he feels like he´s got some balls.

But you are lucky because every relationship is a give and take and these men have plenty to give. They will give you a headache, they will throw a tantrum for you every time you dare to say anything that could be portrayed as the slightest bit of criticism. They will even give you the honor of watching them texting, posting and snapchatting all night.

Shout-out to all the women out there that stay with “men“ like that, you are screwed.

Those “men“ have nothing going for them. They are losers and they know it. They need constant attention because that is the only way they can feel like they really are somebody. They constantly need some kind of women around because they need to feel wanted. They need to point out how great they are because, well somebody has to do it. And they can not deal with criticism because deep down inside, they already know they suck.

A grown ass man doesn´t need to prove anything to anybody. That man can take criticism and live with it. That man doesn´t spend his time flirting with women that are average, because he is busy making sure the hot girl he is dating is having a good time.
A real man doesn´t waste his energy on making himself look better than other people and he sure as hell doesn´t feel the need to keep his 2000 “fans“ posted on his tour dates.

Being an attention seeking whore is not sexy, no matter how hot you are...

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Keep it real

There are thousands of people out there giving advice on what to do and what not to do when it comes to a first date.

What to say and what not to say, what to wear and what not to wear, where to go and where not to go, these people even try to give us advice on what to order on a dinner date and what not to order. You gotta sell yourself, make the perfect first impression.


I`m gonna sit there on a Saturday night, in this awesome restaurant reading the menu, thinking to myself, “Damn, I really want that grilled burger with hot sauce and fries, but the dating handbook said no messy foods on a first date, so guess I`m gonna order a Ceasar salad and take tiny little bites, because Got forbid I bite into that delicious burger and some of the hot sauce runs down my chin or drips onto that dress that I spent two hours deciding on “. By the time that Ceasar salad rolls in I am already in massive pain because I am focusing on sitting perfectly straight. I have no idea what this super hot dude across the table has been talking about because I am secretly wondering if his back hurts as bad as mine does.

But this is all going really well, I went over my resume with him. Talked about my age, place of birth, my upbringing, interests, past employers, oh, I mean boyfriends and so far I think I might get an invitation for a follow up interview.

No shit, this is like applying for a job. Where is the fun? When are we gonna talk about who we really are? How long am I gonna be able to say no to that burger and how long can I keep my back unnaturally straight?

This has nothing to do with getting to know somebody!

If you are the kind of girl that dresses in jeans and Converse, then don´t try to squeeze into 6 inch heels to play the sexy girl. If you want a burger, then eat that burger with passion and if some of that sauce runs down your face and that doesn´t make him smile a little, then he doesn´t know shit about good food. If you are a crazy bitch that is hard to handle and out of control, then let him know what he is getting himself into. If you decide to open the ex files, then don´t sugar coat that story, acting like it was a pretty breakup.

There is no need to impress anyone, as a matter of fact, all that will get you is heartbreak and disappointment. People deserve to know what they are signing up for!

I was recently on a date with a guy that did not give a shit what I thought about him. Pretty boy sat there doing his thing ,not trying to impress me for a minute. This dude has never flipped a page in the dating handbook. He put himself out there with a take it or leave it kinda attitude. He said what he wanted to say and not what women might want to hear. No bullshitting around.

That right there was impressive...

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Heat it up!

“Can you cook?“, “Do you like to cook?“, “How good can you cook?“.

When you meet a guy and you are going through the whole job interview like process of gettin to know each other at some point most of the men are going to ask you this question.

Either because he is the kind of guy, who loves to cook and so enjoys trying out new recipes with his lady (which I hate to say is not necessarily the manliest thing on earth), or it is because he really feels like he needs to make sure that in case things get serious, he won´t have to starve to death.

But seriously, is that so important to know when you first start going out with someone?

So what if I don´t like to cook? Is that a deal breaker? You are a single guy that lives alone and so far you actually managed to take in your 2000 something calories a day without having somebody around to feed you.

Every couple can survive just fine without having a chef on board. So when heating up the frozen dinners and cooking pasta get´s boring, then you can go enjoy some nasty, greasy fast food together or you can actually be a real old school gentleman and take her out on a fancy, I will hold the door and pull the chair out for you kinda dinner.

When it comes to a womens role are we really still so 1900s?

I mean not like women sit there on the first or second date asking, “So, do you plan on building us a house of sticks and straw so we can get our medieval fairy tale going?“.

How about asking what our favorite color is, so on the next date you can surprise us with some f***ing flowers in that color? How about asking what our favorite band is, so you can get some tickets and show a girl a good time?

Or how about totally living life on the edge and  just simply taking the risk tif falling  in love with a woman that might not like to cook?

You sure as hell won´t be seeing any  Beef Wellington on the dinner table any time soon and no Eggs Benedict in bed every Sunday, but isn´t it way better if she sticks a pizza in the offen and spends the rest of the evening hanging out with you.

Instead of wanting her to stand in the kitchen, you should be taking her to the bedroom...

Sunday, May 3, 2015


“Let´s stay friends!“...I can´t help it, but I have to throw up in my mouth every time I hear people say that, or talk about how they are still great friends with their exes.

NO, let´s totally not stay friends. Why would you want to stay friends? A relationship is 80 percent a friendship and 20 percent I want to push you against the wall and have sex with you.

Friends laugh about the same things, they hate the same people just because if one person hates somebody the other one automatically does too. Friends don´t judge you, they judge other people with you. Friends believe in you and give you the ability to believe in yourself.  Real friends will always be there for you, they never get tired of listening to your shit, they are just as wild and crazy as you and if you were to show up in front of their door with a dead body, they would not ask any questions, grab a shovel and follow you.

If your relationship is built on a friendship like that and you still occasionally push each other against the wall, then you would stay together.

So why act like you can be friends with somebody that you stopped being friends with in your relationship.

I´m not saying walk past him like you don´t know him and if you have kids together or financial ties, then you totally need to work together. But that has nothing to do with friendship, that just means having your shit together.

Most of the time when a man wants to stay friends with his ex, he was the one that was dumped and either he is just a super sensitive guy that really has a hard time getting over her, or he is suffering from a bad case of narcissism and just can not believe that there is a woman that does not want to be with him, so he feels the need to stay friends just to see how she is doing and prove to her that his life is great without her, hoping that she will come crawling back to him.

And there are plenty of women out there that stay friends with their exes, because they just desperately need attention from men (which a decent looking woman can get on every street corner) .They think if their narcissistic ex likes their pics on Facebook or sends them a text once in a blue moon, that must mean that he is still in love. When in all reality he is just f***ing bored out of is mind and he knows that you are stupid enough to entertain him.

So while you are still bullshitting around with your ex in the gray zone, you could be having a new guy pushing you against the wall....

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Don´t be a “chill girl“

Like it is not hard enough for a woman to just be herself, nowadays there are labels. The “good girl“,the “crazy bitch“ and now a younger sibling has been born, the “chill girl“.

For the ladies out there that have an opinion and don´t take shit from anyone, welcome to my group, the “crazy bitches“. For all the “chill girls“ out there, wtf is wrong with you? 

Chill means you don’t fight back. Chill means all guys will want to hang with you, and all the girls aren’t threatened by you. Chill can take it, but is too passive to dish it.
Those who want to earn that label don´t have  to do anything, all they need to remember is to chill, look pretty and smile.
Isn´t that precious, that is so drama free, so carefree, so peaceful and so f***ing boring!

Who wants to be around somebody that doesn´t give a shit about anything? Hello, would you please stop chilling and start living!
Nothing wrong with being laid back, but these girls that say “I just go with the flow“, what does that even mean. Sounds like a slogan straight out of a tampon commercial to me.

Don´t you have questions? Where is the flow coming from, where is it going, do I want to go there and who is on the flow with me?

And all these beautiful things you miss out on, like making decisions, being right, being wrong, having arguments and sarcasm.

How can you live without the beauty of sarcasm. Without sarcasm how would you politely tell somebody, who is not smart enough to understand, that he sucks at life?
Sarcasm kicks your inner girl off her precious pony and lets the women in you hop on to the high horse. And truth be told: She is mean, she is ugly, she is a judgmental bitch and she is f***ing hilarious.

Chill girls are always going to be girls, nobody is ever going to call them chill women, because a woman doesn´t blow smoke up your ass all day, she doesn´t have the patience to sugar coat everything for you, just to make you feel better about your life.

Chill girls can be cute all they want, but nobody is going to remember them.

The crazy bitches, those are the ones you will never forget...

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Dear Mr. Web

“Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?“, I will never forget sitting at the bar on a Friday night hearing the guy next to me ask me this.
And this is just one example for many bad, bad pick up lines I have heard.
You really wonder if that has ever worked out. It´s like “Yes dude, it might cost you your balls if you don´t get a move on fast“.

What in the world happened to those men that actually put some effort into it?
The other day I had lunch at Panera Bread (so yummy) and I was sitting there with my aunt and her two daughters, when this guy walks up to the table, looks at me and says “I just have to tell you, that I think you are very beautiful“. Aww, now that took some balls, to stand in front of four women in the middle of a restaurant and say that. Ok, I´ll admit this time all he got out of it was a “That is sweet, thank you so much“, but I am sure that could work out for him in the future.

Meeting people has changed over the years. Just like everything else, we do it online. Awesome isn´t it? You can meet your future husband while you are sitting on your couch. You don´t even have to leave the house anymore and you can still meet 10, 20, 30 guys a week.
But is it really that great?

There is a dating website for every taste, age, preference out there.  First you got to give them details about yourself. How old, race, gender, relationship status (hello, I hope you are single), where do you live, interests, kids, no kids, how do you look, are you educated, do you smoke (oh, oh I´m out) and the list goes on and on. Then after you talked about yourself it is all about what you are you looking for. Same shit different gender.
Then you get a list of people that would just be a perfect match for you. Yay, Brad, 36, works in marketing, makes 120 k a year, likes dogs and the outdoors, no kids, never married and luckily a variety of about 6 pictures to look at.
Really, is that really how I want to fall in love?

Let´s just say you go to dinner with Brad, because he is just such a good match. WTF are we going to talk about? I don´t need to ask any questions, because your internet dating profile already tells me everything I need to know and the online program that matched us said we are going to have a great, happy life together so let´s get on it.
I don´t want to date a male version of myself, I want somebody who can show me a new world, a different way of living, I want somebody I can have some real arguments with, because we are not always of the same opinion. Everything else is just a little too boring and predictable for my taste.

But even if you decide not to do the online dating thing, then there is still a bunch of other social media like Facebook for instance.
So there you are with your average 500 something friends and not the slightest intention to meet anybody new here. But when you check your inbox, there they are, complete strangers saying “Hello“, “Hey“, “Hi“, followed by “Hi beautiful“, “Hello pretty lady“. Maybe it´s me, but why would you do that? If you are going to send a complete stranger a message on Facebook, could you at least come up with more than two words. What do you think women are going to write back? “Hi handsome, so happy somebody finally found me“?

But I gotta give it to you guys, there are men that come up with more than two words. Like “Hi, I looked at your profile and you are very beautiful“. Oh, this is exciting you actually have a whole line to read. Still the same meaning as “Hi beautiful“ but at least this guy took the time to build a sentence. That is why these guys are also known as the “copy/paste men“. Coming up with these words took a good amount of work so you can´t really expect them to come up with something new for every girl.

And last but not least my favorite , the “pokers“ (no, this is not really a word). These guys don´t have anything to say at all, but that is ok because they will just “poke“ you.
Are you shitting me? If you would see me walking down the street or dancing in a club, would you just come over and poke me to get my attention? I don´t think so. Truth is 99% of the men that contact you on the internet would not have the balls to actually initiate any kind of contact if they would see you in real life.

Don´t get me wrong, sure there are some nice guys out there, that you can go have dinner with, or date, or spend the rest of your life with even though you met them online, but most of the time it is not very sexy.
Are you really that lonely, that you have to go looking for somebody? I mean why not enjoy being single till you just happen to meet somebody. Those poor souls on the internet that are desperately trying to find somebody are almost as sad to watch as the guys that run back to one of their long time exes, just because they need somebody around, and theses women welcome them back with open arms after years of being separated because they are just as desperate.

Come to think about it, maybe that guy in the bar wasn´t so bad after all...